We Don't Need to Live for the Applause

Welcome to Creatives Anonymous, a weekly newsletter that explores what it means to be a modern-day creative. It inspires, encourages, and empowers readers to take back their creative power.

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Word of affirmation is not one of my love languages. 

However, I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t need validation for some aspects of my life. 

We want to know if our content is resonating. We want to see if we’re good at what we do. We want to feel like we’re on the right track. 

At its core, validation is about a feeling of belonging. It’s making us feel like our actions or behavior are normal. We view validation as currency; we want to matter and feel irrelevant if we don’t. 

We view validation as a measure of worthiness, whether it be how many likes we get on Instagram, how much we weigh, or how much money we have in our bank account. Whether someone buys from us or joins our community, we want to feel like we’re worthwhile. 

A lack of acknowledgment makes us feel like we’re not doing something right or that we aren’t worthy. It makes us question our every move. The more positive acknowledgment we receive, the better we feel about ourselves. It confirms that we are doing all the right things and are good enough. 

The need for validation isn’t just for those who lack self-esteem or are insecure. Everyone can feel it to some degree. It only becomes a problem if you base your entire self-worth off of it. 

Our need for validation is primarily driven by how we want to be perceived by others. We attempt to understand ourselves through others' perceptions (otherwise known as the “Looking-Glass Self”). 

When we spend time seeking others' approval, we lose sight of who we are—our goals, motivations, and desires. We can’t answer the simple question of why we’re doing something without the answer being “everyone is doing it.” 

We see this constantly on social media. Videos asking, “What sneakers are the girlies wearing this spring?” and “Where are we vacationing this summer? " make us leave every decision up to the public forum. We let ourselves be constructed by the social settings we find ourselves in, making choices based on what we think others think about us. 

We’re afraid of making the “wrong” choice that goes against what the mainstream is doing. We start doing things because someone else told us they were the “right” things, not because we want to do them. 

It’s led to all of us going on the same vacation, wearing the same clothes, and owning the same products. All because we want to seek approval for how we live our lives. 

Relying on others to form our sense of self makes it much more difficult to develop our own sense of taste, which can only be developed by exploring and experiencing the world independently of others. 

The constant need for validation makes it difficult to put on blinders and stay in our lane. We’re inundated with unsolicited advice on how to do things, and it becomes overwhelming when we are told, “If you’re not doing something this way, then you’re doing it wrong.”

It becomes much harder to trust our gut and have enough conviction to forge the right path for us. 

When we seek validation, someone else’s perspective changes our work. Just because something (or someone) is popular doesn’t mean they're the best. With social, you’re only cool if people say you’re cool.

Yet, if we really consider it, the people we seek validation from probably weren’t looking for validation from anyone else and were just focused on doing their own thing. How ironic is that?

But let me propose this question: What would happen if we didn’t live to please anyone else but ourselves? 

We would probably be a lot happier, our work would probably be better, and we would have a stronger sense of self and develop our sense of taste. 

It’s easier said than done. It takes courage to go against the grain and do things differently. It takes guts to try something other than the “norm” and hope it works out. 

The only way it does is if we bet on ourselves.

Creative Corner

• 🎞️ What I’m Consuming: I finished Onyx Storm, the latest book in the Empyrean series. TBH, not my favorite one of the series so far.

• 💡 What I’m Loving: Creating video essays to share on Reels. I’m totally in my video era right now

• 🎨 What I’m Working On: Lots of writing for my business

• 💭 Weekly Musing:

Thank you 💕

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I’m so grateful for all of your support!

Alexa Phillips is a writer, brand strategist, and multi-passionate creative. She is the founder of Bright Eyes Creative, a creative studio helping founders & creatives claim their corner of the internet with a brand media rooted in their original insights, expert opinions, interests, and stories.

Where to find me:

• Learn more about my services 

• Join the waitlist for Content Kickstart, my 8-week content development intensive.

• Listen to my recent podcast episodes.

• Subscribe to my other newsletter, The Underground, a weekly zine that teaches creative brand leaders to become tastemakers by creating unforgettable content that breaks through the noise and leaves a mark.

• Join Write Club, free weekly 90-minute co-writing sessions dedicated to helping you knock out all the content you have to write for your business.