If you want a village, start being a villager

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Welcome to Creatives Anonymous, a weekly newsletter that explores what it means to be a modern-day creative through essays, interviews, and commentary.

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There’s been an ongoing online discussion about the idea that “people want a village, but they don’t want to be villagers.” 

In other words, people want a community without actually working to cultivate it.

Community isn’t a given—it has to be earned. It has to be built. We aren’t magically granted it. We have to work for it. 

Building community is more than just hosting events to bring people together. It’s showing up and being there for others, no questions asked. It’s helping without expecting anything in return. It’s being selfless, showing that you care. 

Simply put, if you want people to show up for you, you must show up for others. 

Let’s get into it. 

 I. Individualism v. collectivism 

The precursor to this entire discussion is the idea of a collectivist versus an individualist society. Much of the Western world operates on an individualist model, where the individual comes first, whereas other countries operate in a collectivist model. 

In an individualist society, we’re putting ourselves first in every aspect of our lives, no matter the cost to anyone else. 

People in individualist cultures are independent and self-reliant, often feeling shamed or embarrassed for asking for help. And while social relationships are important, they are often seen as more voluntary and less enduring than in collectivistic cultures. 

On the other hand, a collectivist model relies on community, prioritizing the group's needs over the individual's and emphasizing social harmony, group loyalty, and interdependence. 

Individuals in a collectivist society rely on each other. There’s a strong sense of obligation to support and cooperate with other community members. 

Members of a collectivist society support one another. There's a strong sense of duty to the group and respect for others. Individuals are mindful of their own and others' "face" or reputation within the group.

These models and characteristics impact how we view community and show up for ours.

II. Community disrupts routine 

An individualist society (especially one in late-stage capitalism) thrives on routine during the week and leaves community for the weekend. 

Routines mean prioritizing ourselves and our habits (which is not a bad thing), but they prohibit us from engaging in community, especially when it arises spontaneously. 

For example, if a friend called you up last minute to meet for drinks tonight, how likely would you sacrifice your routine and rearrange your schedule to accommodate that? Or, if someone really needed you, would you drop everything to show up for them?

We can't strictly adhere to our routines if we want the community and people to rely on us. It’s about being flexible for the people around you, as you want them to do for you. 

III. You aren’t owed anything 

Being a villager means giving and taking, not just taking. It’s not a quid pro quo, where you keep score of everything you’ve ever done for people and all they’ve ever done for you. Being a villager means not expecting things in return and never thinking someone is trying to take advantage of you. 

You do things because you want to help—to make someone else’s life easier. This never comes from a negative place or a scarcity mindset, but always from one of abundance. Eventually, it all evens out, and people “pay you back” in different ways. 

And while you don’t want to be a doormat, access to you can’t be so gatekept that people don’t want to bother you. You need to engage with others to show that you want to be a part of the village in the first place. 

It also means you need to be considerate of others. It can’t be your way or the highway; there needs to be some meeting in the middle. If you want people to show up for you, you can’t treat them like the help. You have to respect the people showing up for you. 

Simply put, you don’t want a village if you want full control of the relationship. 

IV. Being a villager 

If you want people to show up for you, you must show up for others, especially when it matters the most. When you say yes to a commitment, follow through and don’t flake out. And if you have to bail under extreme circumstances, you intend to plan the next thing.  

Your actions show that you genuinely care about the other person and are concerned about their situation. 

As a villager, you’re showing up first again and again. You’re not afraid to ask people to help you with things. No matter how mundane. Most of us want to be there for our people. We want to be asked to help. We want to be asked to go on silly errands or to pick someone up from the airport. 

The point is to feel that you can rely on other people, just as others feel that they can rely on you. 

When you truly build a village, you never need to rely on outside services. You can always get a ride to the airport, borrow a cup of sugar, get built-in baby, house, and pet sitters. All because you choose to show up for others. 

And that’s how true community is built. 

Creative Corner

• 🎞️ What I’m Consuming: I broke my “no self-help books” rule and am reading 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma per the recommendation of someone in a networking group I belong to. So far, I’m intrigued because I’ve been looking to upgrade my morning routine.

• 💡 What I’m Loving: I finally got my photos back from a roll of film I took and can honestly say there is no better dopamine hit.

• 🎨 What I’m Working On: Nothing at the moment!

• 💭 Weekly Musing:

Thank you 💕

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I’m so grateful for all of your support!

Alexa Phillips is a writer, brand strategist, and multi-passionate creative. She is the founder of Bright Eyes Creative, a Seattle-based brand consultancy and media company that helps founder-led consumer brands and creatives design brand experiences and media.

Where to find me:

• Learn more about my services 

• Listen to my recent podcast episodes.

• Follow along as I build Culture Slant, a new magazine + podcast at the intersection of brand, marketing, media, culture, commerce, and technology.

• Join Write Club, free weekly 90-minute co-writing sessions dedicated to helping you knock out all the content you have to write for your business.